Chapter 3
Bullying at work
The concept of dignity at work
People have a right to be treated well and with respect in the workplace. Many, though, are not in this position. They wake up, often from fitful sleep, and go to work with fear and dread that this is going to be another day during which they are going to be treated badly.
My sense is that by the time you have finished reading this chapter, each one of you will recognise someone either from your past or in your present who is bully. Although this book is about bullying in the workplace it does of course not mean that these behaviours happen only in the workplace. Children bully each other in school, playgrounds or classrooms, friends bully each other people in close interpersonal relationships bully each other. That, however, is for another book!
The key idea to bear in mind when reading this book is that bullying is not about intention, it is about impact. In other words, it is about the effects that the behaviours of one or more people have on other people.
What is bullying?
The working definition I use for bullying is the one used by the Manufacturing Science and Finance (MSF) Union:
Persistent, offensive, abusive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behaviour, abuse of power or unfair penal sanctions, which make the recipient feel upset , threatened, humiliated or vulnerable which undermines their self-confidence and which may cause them to suffer stress.
According to the Industrial Society, “Harassment can be defined as any improper, offensive and humiliating behaviour, practices or conduct, which may threaten a person’s job security, create an intimidating and unwelcoming and stressful work environment, or cause personal offense or injury.”
People who are being bullied often do not recognise that they are being bullied. They often think that they are only one who is constantly getting it wrong and that there is something wrong with them. They often feel ashamed and that they cannot cope. Moreover, they fear that if they tell anyone they will not be believed but seen as weak and inadequate.
Who Bullies?
Most of us are capable of bullying behaviours. Thankfully, most of us prevent ourselves from acting out in this way. How many of us can say that in certain circumstances, such as when we are in a hurry and the person behind the counter is being slow or incompetent, we haven’t wanted to say something but, instead, kept quiet. It is not bullying to feel frustrated, angry or upset at another person’s behaviour; but it is bullying behaviour when we act on our feelings in an inappropriate way.
The self righteous bully is someone who cannot accept that they could possibly be in the wrong. They are totally devoid of self awareness and neither knows nor cares about the impact of their behaviours on others. These are people professional development coaches have difficulty working with to effect behaviour change. They are always right and others are always wrong. One woman whom I worked with refused to accept any responsibility for the effect that her behaviour was having on others; she wrote them off as wimps unable to take fair criticism. Another said she could work with these people again as she did not ‘bear grudges’. Yet another said, ‘Of course i didn’t bully him. I merely said performance.
It would be incorrect to think that bullying takes place only downwards in the hierarchy. There are many examples of bullying by junior members of a team. For example, many lecturers have complained of harassment and bullying by their students. If you know what is good for you, you will rethink the grade you gave me for my last assignment. My father has known the Chancellor for years and pays for one of the college trophies.
Another example was that of an organisation in which it appeared that the whole office was living in fear of upsetting the receptionist who had worked here longer than anyone else. She acted as unofficial time keeper, making notes of hours worked, sickness absences and holidays even though this was not part of her job. Her own attendance and holiday details were of course ex-directory.
Bullying is not necessarily an act of one person against other. A team of people can bully one or two individuals, for instance where a team resents former colleague’s promotion or where a new manager comes in and wants to make changes. One freelance female computer programmer was brought in to manage a team of men. They would not accept instructions from her and made constant personal remarks about her – all within her hearing. This bullying caused her to leave, especially as she felt the company would not be interested in dealing with it because she was ‘only’ a contractor.
When teams of people get together to bully a new manager, the underlying reason can be that one member of the team, who is the psychological leader, wants the manager’s job and encourages the team support out of fear rather than loyalty.
One of the most common themes of bullying behaviour can be observed when someone in a management position bullies their second-in-command. They do things such as arrange important meeting in the employee’s absence and then blame them for missing agenda items or for non-attendance. I have come across this many times, especially after a manager gets back from vacation to find that his job has been done perfectly in his absence. Adams (1992) describes this as work envy, when someone in a more junior position can do their job as well as, or even better than, they themselves can do it.
People with some power who take more are usually the people who bully others. Teachers can bully children, as can other adults who are in a position of power, as we saw in the examples of young teenage models who were bullied by photographers (Chapter 2).
Sometimes, when sexual relationships creep in, the balance of power can change and people become bullies. An example of this was the secretary who became the mistress of the chairman of the company and suddenly started to bully colleagues who had been her friends.
Bullying seems not be associated with the gender. Field (2001) found the split between men and women who bully roughly 50/50.
The bully
In my experience there are two main types of bully. The first type is the self-righteous bully who comes from an ‘I’m OK – You’re Not OK’ position. These people are vulnerable to the criticism of others, have low self-esteem and project this feeling of inadequacy onto other people. Their behaviour is destructive to others and they appear to take great pleasure in seeing their victims suffer from being afraid of them. Organisations have a duty of care to protect their staff from these people.
The other main kind of bully is someone who functions from an ‘I’m Not OK – You’re Not OK’ position. These people are afraid, vulnerable and behave in an appropriate way in an attempt to protect themselves from what they perceive as danger. As a result, these bullies see themselves as victims and actually feel that it is they who are being persecuted. They don’t trust people and are actually scared of being found out for their inadequacies. These people need training. They are easier to deal with and are usually willing to take feedback in the form of coaching.
A third type is the person who behaves in the way that they believe is expected, or are told is expected, of them. They may be demonstrating behaviours that the previous managers modelled or they may have had their own job security threatened in the past for being ‘too soft’ on their team. This is another group for whom coaching works well and they can be trained in more appropriate ways of managing and behaving.
Bullies have favourites – ‘flavours of the month’. In the bully’s eyes, the favoured person can do no wrong and the bully places them on a pedestal, elevating them above everyone else. This can make the rest of the team resentful, especially as they tend to be blamed for any mistakes that the favourite might take. The situation can shift as quickly as it began when, suddenly, the bull’s ‘pet’ is replaced by someone else. This fall from grace can be followed by vicious nit-picking by bully until the pet leaves, confused and unpopular through little fault of their own. Many people have said that they are afraid of ever becoming the pet, as it usually means the next stage is to be the victim. This thought can be so unbearable that people prefer to leave the company.
Bullies have their special victims. They frequently pick on a member of the team who is not likely to answer back but is likely to blame themselves and not want make a fuss by complaining. Other members of the team watch these behaviours going on and do not say anything for fear of being the next victim. Some people are more vulnerable to being a victim of bullying: often the immediate assistants who are contractually obliged to work with the bully. Part-time workers or juniors often feel especially defenceless and, because they have less recourse to action, don’t say anything. People with mental or physical health problems and anyone from an ethnic minority background are also vulnerable. The bully has a habit of finding out from people what their weaknesses are and then using this information as ammunition. The victim invariably feels confused and they say ‘I don’t understand it, she was so nice to me at first – really warm and friendly.’
Bullies can also use threatening behaviours, either by threatening someone physically (‘Make sure you don’t leave this place alone or someone will be waiting for you’) or in terms of blackmail (‘What would your wife say if she knew about your “friendship” with X?’)
Bullies like to bring in their own team and frequently want to weed out anyone that they personally did not employ. The established staffs are excluded from social events, kept out of information loops or, in some cases, actually told ‘There is no longer any room for you here and it would be in your own interest to look for another job.’
Bullies generally have two distinct sides. Cruel and calculating in the office, they are also entertaining company and great fun to be around at social occasions. Frequently in my work with victims they have said to me ‘He’s not always like this and is so nice after hours when we go out socially.’ One set of behaviours doesn’t outweigh the other; it just serves to confuse people.
Bullies are often intelligent people who are clever at manipulating and misrepresenting facts. They can twist what people say and confused them until they are too upset to even try and stand up for themselves. They are not good role models, they tend to be the first to criticise the behaviours of others, even while they are guilty of the same misconduct.
Bullies ‘rubbish’ their staff to other people: ‘I have a real bunch of stupid ****s in my team.’ No wonder we don’t make sales target with that load of useless ****s – they haven’t a clue.’
Bullies tend not to encourage discussion and more likely to adopt a dictatorial approach. One man, who was the sole owner of his empire, went round the staff desks and destroyed any bits of paper that had anything personal written on them, such as a telephone number for the dentist. When challenged, he said it was his right as he owned the paper and no one was allowed to even think about their life outside of the company when he was paying their wages.
People who bully often invite themselves to meeting or conferences outside of their area of responsibility. Their colleagues are usually too scared to actually challenge them – particularly if the bully holds a senior position in the organisation. Another favourite tactic is to take over the running of the meeting and change the agenda to suit their purposes – or even to announce that they think that the meeting is a waste of time, and then leave, causing everyone else present to feel deflated, incompetent and upset.
Bullies pick on the shy and vulnerable. One woman returned from sick leave after undergoing treatment for cancer to find her chair had been swapped for a rickety old one, her desk had been moved into a dark corner away from the window and her personal things removed. She also found that a new manager had in instigated these changes and he made it clear to her that there was no longer room for anyone of her age, and with her health record, in her new department.
Parody can be a subtle form of bullying. It can be so common place that its inappropriateness is not fully acknowledged. One large team of public-sector Asian women workers were constantly upset when their colleagues mimicked their accents over the telephone. What the women found even more difficult to understand was why these people, who lived in the far north of the country, were mimicking them when they had their own very distinctive accents.
Bullies frequently behave like children. They can be snide, spiteful and vindictive when they do not get their own way. They have temper tantrums, stamp their feet and throw things around. An example of this is a picture-framer who, whenever he loses something, turns and makes nasty comment to his assistant. On one occasion he threatened to splash her with paint when he could not remember where he had put his phone. On another occasion he threatened to hit her with the broom because she had not swept the front of the shop.
Adams (1992) talks about bullies suffering from envy. In this context she means work envy, where the bully fears that a colleague could do their job as well, or even better. Typically, in cases where they feel threatened, because the bully has some power they can resort to official actions such as unfair appraisals. Or, because the outrank their colleagues, they can cut across or ignore them at meetings, steal their ideas or – as in one example told to me – simply interrupt a colleague’s presentation and take over.
These actions, together with constant criticism and never any praise (even when tight deadlines are met) are a source of deliberate bullying designed to demotivate and wear down the target individuals.
Bullying behaviours
Bullying behaviours are rarely isolated incidents. Furthermore, the first incident usually signals the beginning of a soon-to-be established pattern. While single incidents may be seen as too subtle to be considered bullying, added together and viewed as a series, the pattern emerges.
Galen (1991) reports on an IBM employee who was forced to take early retirement of tarnish an unblemished career with an unsatisfactory job rating. The court found that he had indeed been forced out of his job and decided in his favour. He was awarded a sizeable settlement.
There are two types of bullying behaviours: gross and obvious or a more subtie variety.
Gross behaviours
First I will give you examples of gross behaviours; in fact, I could write an entire book describing behaviour so bad that the reader might be forgiven for thinking it the basis for a fictitious horror movie.
Undermining behaviour
A new managing director took over the overall running of charity. In position as the officer manager was a highly competent, popular and efficient middle-aged woman. From day one he decided that he no longer wanted her or anyone to answer the telephone using their own names, only ‘Mr X’s office’. He listened in to all conversations and criticised any gesture of warmth or pleasantries. The office manager was no longer to sign letters I her own name. He constantly undermined any authority she previously held, he was rude to her publicly and, privately, asked her when she was leaving, since he could find someone better and cheaper. He managed to reduce all of the team to tears at various times and eventually succeeded with the office manager. Clearly delighted with himself, he said, ‘Oh good! I was wondering how long this would take.’
This woman, like many others in her situation, eventually felt that she really was no longer competent and began to believe that she was making many errors where before she had run the office smoothly and efficiently. When she finally went off sick, the managing director asked her colleagues if she had any family- or age-related problems.
Changing deadlines
I have frequently been given examples of a manager insisting that a piece of work be completed by an unrealistic date. The individual or team has had to work weekends and late into the night only to find that on the appointed date the manager is not there, has taken the day off, or says they haven’t the time to read it until the following week.
Using personal information
The senior member of a team publicly said to another, more junior woman, ‘No wonder your boyfriend left you when you dress like that.’ In another example of using personal information, a senior manager said to a woman, ‘It was only fair we promoted a man; after all, your husband earns a good salary and you don’t need the money.’ On another occasion a male manager said to a senior female member of staff whom he had been bullying for some time: ‘I hear that your husband has retired. Don’t you want to retire and spend more time with him?’ She felt angry and humiliated in front of her staff and colleagues.
Probably the most vindictive example of using personal information was the woman who said to her male assistant, ‘Your baby being born with a disability is an act of God. It is punishment for your having had affairs.’
Being frozen out
One woman had her work taken away from her and the rest of the team was instructed not to speak to her. Being isolated is a powerful way in which people can be bullied. As social animals, we have a need to feel that we belong; not being invited to a social occasion, or even to lunch when everyone else in the office has been, can leave people feeling stressed, uncomfortable and isolated.
Abusive behaviour
Bullies can show great creativity in their use of techniques. I heard an example of this when a highly experienced secretary came into my office and asked me to listen to a tape from her dictation machine. What I heard is her male boss, a man well respected in his profession, screaming insults at her and barking instructions between telling her how stupid she is.
If we actually think about it, this example is a form of torture; the audio headphones go directly into the person’s ears and there is no escape. One of the boss’s favourite taunt was: ‘Who else would employ you at your age?’ He had picked on this woman’s weakness, as there was a grain of truth in what he said. It is difficult for women in their late fifties to find employment. However, it does give me great pleasure to be able to write that this woman was headhunted by a competitor company and that she remains in that position, working happily in a community where she is appreciated and respected.
Bullying rarely ends with over public remarks or outburst. The worst bullying usually goes on behind closed doors and without witnesses. I have many examples of men and women bullies behaving at their worst after most of the people in the office have gone home. An example of this was a female boss who called a junior male member of the team into her office just as he was leaving the office with his colleagues. He went in and sat down, as he was requested to do. She locked the door and stood next to it, which increased his feelings of vulnerability and, knowing that he was unable to escape, yelled and screamed insults at him about being a member of her team, as a human being and, lastly, as a man.
Sarcasm
Sarcasm is a bullying technique which is often masked by remarks such as ‘People round here are too sensitive.’ For example, a person goes into their office not feeling at their best and returning too early after being off sick. They find a scribbled note on the sickness absence book next to her name saying ‘Taking the p**s’ and someone in the office saying ‘You’re looking good, been on holiday?’
One woman’s treatment was described in Greenhalgh’s (1991) newspaper article. Her bullying manager e-mailed other staff members, citing her victim as an example of how not to do things.
So-called humour
People can be bullied in many ways under the guise of ‘humour’. Jokes distributed by e-mail, cartoons on notice boards or unsuitable literature sent to people’s homes are some example. An even more extreme case was that of a funeral wreath being delivered to a person’s home with their name on it.
Practical jokes or inappropriate humour cannot be passed off as ‘all in good fun; we were only having a laugh’ or ‘it’s him – he can’t take a joke.’ Humour at someone else’s expense is not funny – it’s bullying. In this category I include the initiation ceremonies that some cultures collude with. These are practical jokes or pranks carried out on junior or new members of staff. Examples of this can range from sending someone to another department for a long wait’ to young men being ‘debagged’ (their trousers removed) by a group of howling and laughing women. These behaviours are bullying and can leave the victim feeling distresses and humiliated. In one bank a very senior bank clerk thought it was amusing to stamp ‘turnover’ on the bare legs of junior female members of staff and encouraged the junior male employees to join in a ‘frivolity’. Offensive songs, graffiti and cartoons would also come under this category of bullying.
Ostensible accidents
‘Accidents’ can also be a thinly veiled excuse for bullying – e.g., bumping into someone carrying a cup or of coffee or a tray in the canteen so that they drop or spill it and end up feeling foolish. This kind of behaviour is more likely to occur in front of an audience of other team members of the team who are involved in the inappropriate treatment of another. On another occasion, one cleaning crew left a cloth that had been saturated with a toxic substance for the next shift of cleaners to move. This was the last of a long line of incidents in which a particular woman had been hurt in ‘accidents’ orchestrated by her management and colleagues.
Electronic harassment
The age of technology that has made communication easier has also made it easier to bully and harass people. It seems to be a common misconception that e-mail communications do not have the same value (or effect) as a letter or memo. I have been shown many examples of inappropriate and even abusive e-mail.
Voice mails and text messages can also be used in a similar way to bully and harass people. This can include the targeting of staff members who live alone to find threatening and anonymous messages, or heavy breathing, on their telephone-answering machines.
Sexual harassment
Sexual harassment by e-mail has become popular. One woman had nearly two hundred e-mails from the same man when she went to her desk one Monday morning. They all related to asking her out and making personal remarks about her body and status.
Harassment under the guise o f love has been brought to my attention on several occasions in the last year. Both men and women become involved with someone they work with. It usually starts as a friendship – until one falls in love with the other, who then feels harassed by the constant attention, particularly when the person responsible insists that it is out of concern, is still harassment.
Invasive behaviour
Invading a person’s personal space and possessions is bullying. This can include standing too close to them when it is obvious they are not comfortable, standing while they are sitting, yelling t them and going into other people’s lockers, desks or bags and interfering with the contents. I have had examples of people finding out the computer passwords of their victims and going into their computers and deleting entire files – difficult to prove.
Some bullying behaviours are so extreme that the people on the receiving end are so deeply shocked that they do not expect to be believed. Two high-powered professional women, obviously rivals, encountered each other in corridor. Ms A turned to Ms B and threatened that if she (Ms B) were to apply for a particular promotion, she would have her ‘to answer to’.
Discrediting professional reputation
Casting aspersions on someone’s professionalism can also be a bullying tactic especially in the care professions where it is often used to encourage people to work unrealistic hours, well beyond the call of duty or what should reasonably be expected from them. For example, ‘If you cared about your patients you wouldn’t hesitate to work additional shifts.’
More subtle behaviours
The subtler forms of bullying are by their nature more ambiguous. Here, especially, a single incident is difficult to characterise as a definite bullying behaviour and, often, a few incidents taken together indicate a pattern suggestive of bullying.
Bogus scheduling
Arranging meetings and leaving a certain person off the invitation list, only to complain at the meeting ‘I see that X hasn’t bothered to attend.’ is one example.
Others such as setting unrealistic deadlines, turning down someone’s request for leave or cancelling their leave at the last minute without good reason, removing responsibility from someone without grounds, ignoring them or speaking to them only through a third party or by e-mail – even if they sit on opposite sides of the room – fall into this category.
Holiday rotas, work rotas and overtime rotas can be used to bully and manipulate people. Insisting that people cancel their pre-booked holidays and weekends away when there is not a crisis are further examples of bullying. So is giving the same person all the unsociable shift hours while everyone else on the team gets the more sought-after slots.
Another example consists of refusing to allow some members of a team to attend training courses on the grounds of their being too busy when other members of the team have attended them.
Making sure that work is given to an individual at a specific time when it is common knowledge that that person leaves on time on a particular day to attend to an outside activity is a definite, albeit subtle, way of bullying a subordinate.
Hiding abuse behind company policy
Assessments, appraisals, annual reviews can also be used as instruments to bully people. People work very hard to reach deadlines, only to find they have been changed. People who actually deserve to get a pay rise are passed over whilst the ‘favourites’ who haven’t actuaaly reached their targets are awarded them.
Another instance of cruel, abusivetreat ment by a bullying manager is to choose a Friday afternoon, or the late afternoon before someone is due to go on holiday, to give them negative feedback about their work or say ‘I’m not happy with your performance, but we will discuss it when you return from leave.’
Evasiveness
Bullies often abuse their colleagues by not taking the responsibility for something that is officially in their remit. ‘I’m sorry you are inconvenienced. I did tell my staff to do such and such’, when they clearly did not.
Some bullies have a tendency not to make eye contact, but when they do it can be form of a direct stare. They often make notes when they are being spoken to, instead of engaging with the person.
Controlling behaviours
A potent example of this was a meeting between the harassment investigator and the Managing Director of the organisation he was carrying out the investigation for. He was told: ‘I’m sure you are not going to find anything untoward here. Did you hear what I said? I’m sure you won’t find anything.’ This left the investigator in no doubt as to whom one of the role models for bullying behaviour was.
Inconsistency in behaviour
People change their behaviour not only from time to time but also with different people. The manager who is shouting at someone in their office fo rsome minor misdemeanour suddenly becomes kind and avuncular when the young secretatry appears, only to return their previously foul inappropriate behaviour as soon as she leaves.
No thanks or recognition
Work or tasks that have been done well during a manager’s absence are not commented on. Instead, looking for the smallest detail with which to find fault, the manager then complains how ‘things don’t run smoothly when I’m away’.
Undermining someone’s authority
One supervisor gave her team instructions not to take notice of the request made by their line manager but to come directly to her instead. The team is obviously placed in an untenable position.
Demeaning behaviour
Inappropriate remarks in front on stafs or costumers can range from one-off ‘put down’, such as ‘If you paid attention to detail you would know the answer to that’, through to complete character assassinations. In one instance a woman was crisitcised for her appearance, on the supposed fact that no one in the office liked her and on the basis that she was thought to be an incompetent mother. This was all said in front of the team that she was supposed to manage.
Rumour mongering
Some work cultures are such that spreading rumours is the norm and seen by most as being joke. However, jokes go too far and they hurt some people. In jokes about fictitious relationships made in front of partners can lead to disharmony at home, no matter how far from the truth they are.
In one case the rumours were so far-fetched that the victim had to ask his councellor what they meant as he had absolutely no idea what he was being accused of. Rumours are not necessarily about an individual; they can be about friends or members of their family.
Myths and misconcepsions about bullying and harassment at work
· It’s in people’s imaginations.
· It’s another excuse for a policy.
· Policies will give people opportunities for personal vendettas and enable them to make personal complaints.
· It’s the trendy topic.
· People who are bullied must have asked fot it.
· It will open the floodgates for malicious complaints.
· All this PC stuff will make the workplace humourless and boring.
· People can’t take a joke.
· They don’t know what bullying is: When I was a child. . .
· It doesn’t happen to men.
· Only men bully.
· It happens only to weak people.
